Days of rain always seem to bring with them a spirit of quiet, thoughtfulness, and if you’re lucky, inspiration. I’ve been severely lacking in that last one the last few weeks. You may have noticed as I’ve rarely stopped here to give updates on work and life, both of which are brimming close to overflowing with business and a general feeling of being overwhelmed. Yet it’s not been so much this crazy schedule that’s kept me away from stepping out and sharing what’s on my heart, but instead a whole host of insecurities and unknowns. But today, though those insecurities and unknowns still rule my heart, I found a bit of inspiration worth sharing.
Earlier in the summer, I purchased a beautiful and lush succulent from a local Farmers Market. It was my favorite purchase for the garden this year, but it didn’t take long for it to receive a beating in our household. After it began to stretch and look like an alien plant, it went outside for more light, where it then bore the wrath of Henry’s outside toddler play, aka, it lost most of it’s leaves. I propagated what I could save, but after a few weeks it was basically an ugly stump; no semblance left of its former beauty except a small floret at the very top. After some research, I trimmed that miniature floret and planted it, certain that it would grow it’s own root system over time. 2 months later, and weather turning towards Fall, still no life seemed to want to take over this pretty little plant. A few small, clear roots sprouted over time, but the leaves got more limp, more brown, and as I planned to winterize our garden in the next while, I was sure I’d have to finally give in and throw the little pretty away. Until today.
When I stepped out to check on my garden’s status from the recent monsoons, I was shocked to find a happy and growing little succulent on my little side table. Bright new green shoots and leaves, new height, and a distinct lean towards the sun, my little survivor seems to have weathered the storm and chosen this break in the rain to show it’s true colors, coming out of dormancy and sharing it’s strong will to live with me.
Now, I realize this is a long story about a simple plant, but the Lord works in mysterious ways, and this little nudge of encouragement was just what I needed today. I too have felt dormant of inspiration and energy over the last two months, slowly and surely slipping into just getting by but not thriving in my work, in my roll as Mother and Wife, and in my own satisfaction with myself. When I tell you the reason for this exhaustion and difficult season of loneliness, I’m really putting myself out there in full honesty, weary of judgment and disparaging looks, because despite my emotional dormancy, I feel deeply blessed to be on this journey and I really am excited, because:
Yes! Not that it’s probably a huge surprise to most. We haven’t been keeping a secret, but have enjoyed the news spreading the old fashioned way: from Grandparent’s telling the world on Instagram and Facebook. ;) Just kidding. We have really loved sharing the news personally and laughed at the looks I get from all those unwilling to ask if I’m pregnant or just carrying more weight in my belly these days. It’s really crazy how fast the 2nd baby pops! At less than a month away from my 2nd trimester, I did not get to avoid maternity clothes as long as I always swore I would the 2nd time around.
What I can say about this baby so far is that its little life is so welcome and joyfully expected in our home. We prayed and worked for this baby and after much waiting and trepidation, the unexpectedly long journey culminated in the most perfect timing we ever could have imagined. Isn’t is beautiful and humbling how the Lord works on our behalf in that way, even when our trust and faith wavers in the face of unknowns and things we don’t understand? Easier to say on this side of things for sure, but no less true. And it’s a lesson I’ve continued to have to remind myself of daily as 1st trimester pregnancy symptoms have hit me like a ton of bricks over the last 6 weeks. I honestly can’t remember if the nausea and exhaustion were this bad when I was pregnant with Henry, or if it just feels worse because I don’t have the luxury of just taking a nap any time I feel like it this time around. Being pregnant with a toddler and working is hard, and I give huge props to all Mothers who have multiple children. I don’t want to whine, and want to over-communicate how excited and blessed we are to be expecting this baby, but it’s just been a harder adjustment than I expected.
So now, maybe my story about the little plant that lived makes sense as to why I felt so inspired by it’s little fight. Something so little touched my heart today, giving me the courage to continue fighting for joy and gratefulness, despite how tired I feel right now. I know the truth, which is that life is a gift and ours is being orchestrated by a mighty God who blesses me with grace enough to make it through each day. I’m grateful and I know there will be a season of thriving and inspiration coming, even if it’s not today. It will come.
I pulled out my camera for a few shots of my Little Man during lunch. It’s been to long since I captured his incredibly deep eyes, and smile that could spark a million laughs (including mine) with its adorable infectiousness. He’s gong to be the best big brother there ever was.
And cheers to a new journey. A new adventure. A new life. And a nap.