A quest for courage.

What does it mean to be brave? I've been thinking of this the last few days as I'm confronted with my own shame for how I've handled this new season of life. I haven't looked out onto the landscape of life, full of new challenges, scary adventures and laborious days with anything but angst, selfishness and despair. So overwhelmed with all that is facing our little family, I retreated into myself and my home. A few have followed me there, kept my spirits up and reminded me of the truth about my blessed life when I needed a glimmer of hope. For those few, I am eternally grateful.  

All these feelings are fading to the background as I'm inspired by other's stories and words. I can feel my soul breathing deep after spending time here: with the story of a family whose son, much younger than Henry, faced surgical and medical mountains much higher than our sweet boy's, yet they embraced and captured his story, taking it as an opportunity for real joy, courage and by embracing any amount of life given as a gift. I was reminded by a newfound publication, full of delicate and inspiring writing, as well as some truly lovely images, that hope loves the Fall...and isn't that the truth? Finally, a fast weekend trip to photograph the wedding of a dear family friend reminded me of the sacredness of what I do, capturing people's families and precious moments, yet affirming once again that my photography niche is still ahead of me, waiting to be discovered, conquered and cultivated. My days as a wedding photographer truly are all but over. I have what feels like a lifetime of precious and unforgettable wedding moments saved up in my heart and on many many harddrives. I'm happy to pass that baton, though I know I'll never quit fully express my gratitude for people's trust in this area of my work over the past several years. 

So what is bravery? What is courage? Today, it has been coming out of my cave a little bit.  It is dreaming again of all that might come soon enough if I'll be diligent to practice my art form. It will be fighting to communicate about Henry's journey with grace and hope, instead of fear and despair. It will be serving and encouraging my lover as he faces a mountain of his own soon. I will try to lighten his load, as it's been extra heavy with the burden of my own depression, despair, and hatred of housework.

Today, I will be brave by embracing my life, in all its forms and journeys, instead of living as a shell of myself.

Film scans from a few weeks ago. :)